I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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