my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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