you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
