are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
