cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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