Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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