apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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