This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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