can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
