**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
