her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
