Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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