I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There r osticjed everywhere
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
