i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
