So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
