so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they need to just BURY HIM!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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