I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
