I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
