so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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