My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
