can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
