saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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