oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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