Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
