I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
