I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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