So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Drake has all the answers
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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