Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
