I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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