Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
