Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
