1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
