We're facebook friends in real life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Randomize
