Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
