so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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