I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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