He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
