Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize