So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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