If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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