I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
