I'm gonna have a badass scar
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Enjoy the penises
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
