well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
