u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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