Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
