I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
