Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
