And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
