and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
