It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
