We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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