awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize