nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.