She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex