The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works