before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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