the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just gift wrapped bread.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today