he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle