Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

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  (516): She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot. http://tfl.nu/dkig
  Replies (3) Good night (836) Bad night (846)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock

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  (812): This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock http://tfl.nu/gdx6
  Replies (17) Good night (955) Bad night (5028)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.

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  (850): Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time. http://tfl.nu/840u
  Replies (17) Good night (1985) Bad night (924)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.

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  (214): I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/67tg
  Replies (17) Good night (3170) Bad night (709)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.

  (904): View more from Florida

  You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.

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  (386): Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days. (904): You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal. http://tfl.nu/6thw
  Replies (3) Good night (1242) Bad night (641)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.

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  (817): Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots. http://tfl.nu/sx8s
  Replies (6) Good night (456) Bad night (1488)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can

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  (412): attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can http://tfl.nu/zc74
  Replies (7) Good night (745) Bad night (1404)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.

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  (314): oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night. http://tfl.nu/0hqo
  Replies (4) Good night (1199) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.

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  (520): Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/speg
  Replies (11) Good night (1159) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just feel like you're using me for sex.

  (383): View more from

  I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship

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  (401): I just feel like you're using me for sex. (383): I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship http://tfl.nu/typ8
  Replies (16) Good night (2271) Bad night (1199)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party

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  (580): the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party http://tfl.nu/1oc7
  Replies (3) Good night (879) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"

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  (315): Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick" http://tfl.nu/b4qj
  Replies (0) Good night (347) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.

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  (306): the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public. http://tfl.nu/n2ze
  Replies (5) Good night (783) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.

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  (603): seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed. http://tfl.nu/l8pu
  Replies (6) Good night (281) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?

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  (702): But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him? http://tfl.nu/njmy
  Replies (3) Good night (650) Bad night (372)

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