found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
