i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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