Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
