the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
