His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
