I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
