Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
