I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
