Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize