God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
