I will die if light touches me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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