I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
