he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
