Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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