I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
